* the loveLY. the ugLY.....
Of lately
I've been... (1) dreaming a lot, and then remembering what I dreamt when I wake up (so weird) (2) thinking A LOT (3) losing weight (very BAAADDDD...) (4) feeling hungry quickly (5) eating chocolates (6) physically, mentally and emotionally drained (7) feeling real, real lonely and depressed
(8) very confused
I've never experienced such loneliness before...these few days have been excruciating. But in times like these, I get to spend more time with God and tell Him every single thing. And I guess God's teaching me to TOTALLY depend on Him alone. He's telling me pick myself up. He's telling me that it's not about me anymore. He's telling me to pursue my relationship with Him, rather than that of with man (i.e. friends, loved ones...but that does not go to say that building my relationship with friends/loved ones, etc. isn't important. If you know what I mean...). It ain't easy, though...but I know that as I set my eyes on Him and seek Him earnestly, I will find Him.
Silence
It has been such a silent and lonely weekend... Here's what I did today: - Woke up for two seconds to my phone alarm...slammed it down and shut my eyes again. Next thing I knew, Kakak Tini (the Nairs' househelp - I spent the night at the Nairs'...only thing is, they weren't around. Hehe...) was tapping me gently on the knee, saying, "Ly...Ly...it's already eight o'clock." - Got to church in time. Sat with Mervin and Beedhya. And...it was hymn day (that's what happens when everyone's not around). - Went for brunch after service with Aunty Gracie, Mervin, Jonathan, Caleb, Gideon and Beedhya at the railway station. Sent Gideon and Beedhya home. - Got home, watered Mum's plants, and then sat down and watched CSI (YES!!!!! I got to watch two episodes!! =D). - Fed the dogs, sprayed the sink with insecticide (like Mum asked me to) and then locked the house. Merv came to fetch me just after the second episode of CSI ended. - Got to the train station and waited. And waited...and waited. The train was delayed for more than an hour today. Sigh, sigh, sigh... *Thanks, Merv...for sending me to the train station, and also for taking me to drop my house keys at Aunty Jennifer's. Appreciate it lots =)
Where Are You?
WHERE ARE YOU?
-J.Roman & Soluna
[Guy]
There's someone out there for me...
I know she's waiting so patiently
Can you tell me her name?
This life long search is gonna drive me insane
How does she laugh, how does she cry,
What's the colour of her eyes?
Does she even realize I'm here?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?
La la la la la la la.....la la la la laaaa.....la la la la la la la.....
[Girl]
I'm starin' out at the sky...
Prayin' that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams?
I'd wait forever, how silly it seems
How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the colour of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?
La la la la la la la.....la la la la laaaa.....la la la la la la la.....
[Guy]
There's someone out there for me...
[Girl]
There's someone out there for me...
[Guy]
I know she's waiting so patiently...
[Girl]
So patient...
[Guy]
Can you tell me her name?
[Girl]
Can you tell me his name?
[Guy]
This life long search is gonna drive me insane...
[Girl]
How does he laugh, how does he cry,
What's the colour of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
[Guy]
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is she?
Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she?
Who is she?
Who's gonna complete my world?
[Girl]
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is he?
Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he?
Who is he?
Who's gonna take me so high?
[Together]
La la la la la la la.....la la la la laaaa.....la la la la la la la.....
Two people searching for THE ONE...this song sounds almost fairy-tale like. I like fairy-tales...because they have happy endings (which go on forever and ever, amen). But they almost never happen, do they?
They've all gone off =(It's hard to just stand there and see them go without tearing a little...knowing that you are left alone, not having anything planned for the day. And THEY are TOGETHER. I want to be with them.Sigh. I miss them already...I could sit here the whole day and sulk, feeling sorry for myself, wallowing in self-pity, thinking I'm such a sad-case...it would be easy. No problem. But I know I wouldn't be helping myself at all. So...I think I'm just gonna watch those movies I rented.
Trusting His Ways
My quiet time today:
What if God asked you to do something that didn't make sense to you or to those around you? How would you feel? What would you do? As you pray about your future, are you sincerely trying to follow God's ways? Or do you find yourself, at times, wanting God to approve the path you have planned out?
It's amazing how God speaks...so why do I find it such a struggle to let go and trust Him??
You know, when God seems to be silent, it does not mean He's not there...when He seems to be waiting, it does not mean He wants to extend our suffering or pain; it means He wants to extend His grace and mercy...it means He wants us to take that step of faith, to let go and let Him.
Yes, I am reminding myself about these things.
Girls Day Out
We (Sangeetha, Sheran, Chin Fang and I) met up today...it was relaxing. And fun...and the weather was great =) Too bad Zul didn't join us. We went to Bugis, bought some food and then headed to the Esplanade.We took some pictures and video clips. Experimenting Sheran's new phone lah...haha.
Sheran made me pose...like some tourist only. Sheesh...
More tourist-posing...
Chin Fang trying to be a monkey.
Sorry, I don't know how to put up the video clips lah...if you wanna view them you've got to come to my house =P
Something interesting happened when we were walking there...I gave a five dollar bill away to some man in a white long-sleeved shirt and dress pants. He was walking towards us with a very worried face...he had lost his wallet on the bus. Poor thing. He actually asked for just two dollars, but I didn't have any smaller change, so nevermind lah...the others thought I gave him too much. Hahah. But he was so kesian lah...
Then after a few meters later, another man in a white long-sleeved shirt and dress pants approached us...only this time, he didn't lose his wallet. He said he wasn't a salesman...he's just a part of a "game of confidence". Something like that lah...don't know what he meant also. Anyway, he was carrying a stack of cut up papers and asked us to guess how much one piece costs. And we can give him any amount of money we think the piece of paper costs...so I gave him fifty cents (although I really think paper costs much more than that). Sangeetha got rid of her many five cent coins...hehe.
And before those two incidents, a man in white long-sleeved shirt and dress pants approached us while we were sitting...asking for some donation lah. We politely declined...
Conclusion for the day: There's something about men in white long-sleeved shirts and dress pants, and us...hmmm.
My week
It has been...HOT. I don't remember afternoon shifts being so hot. Sigh...and I walk around the ward doing my work in such stickiness...yucks. Today has been quite eventful...and not to forget, tiring as well (surprise, surprise).
I was feeding this old uncle with the NG tube (naso-gastric tube - it's this tube which is inserted into one of the nostrils, and it goes down, all the way into your stomach)...and suddenly he got violent. For no ultimate reason. So scary, man...he started struggling and pulling the NG tube. I was alone with him behind curtains, so I pressed the call bell. Thank God someone came to my rescue quick enough.
Ohh...and another old uncle kept vomitting...poor thing. I did lots of changing today...as in, changing patients. Which involves wiping backsides, cleaning up diapers, cleaning up the patient, etc. I have already become immuned to the smells lah. Hehe.
All in all, it was a pretty draggy week...except for one day where I felt a sense of achievement because I got to insert an NG tube for a patient. Hehe. I know, I know...it doesn't mean much to most of you peeps, but hahah. Oh, nevermind =)
Good night, world...me weekend has just begun!
Balanced?
How does one balance everything in his/her life? Especially in the area of relationships...relationships with those close to his/her heart. Parents, siblings, close friends...how do you update them constantly on what's been happening in your life? Whom you've been hanging around with and talking to? What you've been doing? The little, little things that have been going on in your life...
Sigh...it's such a struggle for me. Constantly. I still find it difficult...no, very difficult. It takes such great effort. I'm not one who is as multi-tasking as any woman should be. I know I should. I'm learning...please allow me to grow.
Okie, I have decided to make a time-table (so I'll be spending enough time with everyone)...and I'll do it. Now.
Amusement
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...there are seven kinds of stool form. It's alright if you never knew (I didn't know till today), but after reading this, you will know. Presenting to you... THE BRISTOL STOOL FORM SCALE (Note: Stool, as in, faecal matter, faeces...you know??!) Type 1 Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass) Type 2 Sausage-shaped but lumpy Type 3 Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface Type 4 Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft Type 5 Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily) Type 6 Fuffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool Type 7 Watery, no solid pieces, ENTIRELY liquid *There are pictures for each type, after each of the description...but too bad I couldn't get hold of them. Hehe... This is what I found pasted on the surface of the trolley where they keep patients' case notes in the ward. HAHAHAHA!!!!! I think it's a little disgusting...but I don't know why I'm amused by it. The pictures!! You should have seen the pictures! Aiyoh...
Anyway, on my way back home from work just now, I was sitting next to this young secondary school boy in the bus. The bus suddenly jerked...and there was air-cond water dripping right above his head...next to me. And he went, "Ouch....ouch....ouch!!" I wanted to laugh out loud badly!
I didn't know air-cond water causes pain... =P
Conclusion: Lydia is easily amused when she's had a good dose of hard work for the day.
14th May 2006
Had a good talk with Uncle Ven over breakfast this morning, after church...a continuition of our unfinished one about two weeks ago. Hehe...he's a really easy person to talk to. Approachable =) *Thanks, Uncle Ven*Some things he asked and said made me do some thinking, though...but I guess a little thinking for now would do me good. Oh well.
Got back to Singapore earlier than usual today because the driver was fetching someone from the airport early, plus I didn't want to join the crowd if I took the bus or train. The end of the long weekend has come...
Have a great week, peeps!
13th May 2006
I just gave Mum a hair cut...seriously lah, I need to open a hair saloon. Haha.My cousin got married yesterday...it was a typical Chinese wedding, and I've never attended one before (always attended church weddings only), so it was pretty interesting. Oh, and noisy!!This is her and the groom:
We went mountain climbing this morning...oh sorry, more like, just walking. Haha...Dad suggested it, just because I measured his blood pressure last night and it was slightly high. When we were reaching there, he was so enthusiastic...he said we have to make it to the top in 45 minutes. But...as we finished warming up and was already at the starting point, he said, "Oklah...I think enough already. Let's go down!" Hahahhahahahahahhh!!!!!!!What a joke...so we just walked around the park another round instead. It was fun =) Too bad jiejie Eunice wasn't there...
LETTING GO
Got this from Shan Na. I think letting go is one lesson we often find difficult to learn...it's an ongoing process, I guess...
To let go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I don't control another. To let go is to admit powerless, which means the outcome is not in my hands.To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.To let go is not to deny, but to accept.To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.To let go is to fear less, and love more.
Back
Just got back to Singapore. It's back to WORK!!! For a whole of six weeks...and I'll be missing church family camp =( And everyone's going!! But it's not about the people lah...I know it's going to be a great camp. Sigh. I'm actually quite excited for those who are going, though. I don't know why, but I think God's gonna do something we've never expected. You guys better prepare your hearts now...ask and expect Him to do something new. But also remember that when you ask God for something, know that it comes with great reponsibility. By the way, I gave jiejie Li Poh a hair cut today...hehe. I think I seriously need to open a hair saloon soon lah. So..................anybody wants to work in my new saloon?? =P
Take Me On
My life is in Your hands
It's a story that's written in Your plan
Will I make it in the end?
Your promise to me, by faith alone, I can
The road ahead seems like an endless quest
Each step I take, I know You'll lend a hand
Oh Lord, I need You till the very end
So Lord, reach out Your hand
And take me on to a place
In Your loving embrace of love
Your wonderful love
Oh Lord, just reach down inside
'Til I break down and cry
For Your love
Just more of Your wonderful love
This is such a beautiful song... it speaks of God's faithfulness and promise that He'll always be there. I've been feeling so...sigh, I don't even know how to describe. I feel like I just want to disappear for a moment...disappear to a place where I don't have to think about any of my problems, or what's happening around me...and just soak and saturate myself in His presence.
When I was younger and had conflicts, I used to wish that I could go away for awhile, problem-free...then come back to reality without my problems anymore. Hah...fat hopes.
Okie...it's time to leave things into God's hands, Lydia Tang.
I just got back from Bandar Tenggara...mum said Jem needs coaching for her Math. So off I went with Jo. When it came to lunch, Jem had to go, so Jo and I went to look for some food...found a pondok. Man...there were so many flies!! Atrocious. We prayed so hard that we wouldn't get any food poisoning.And the men...my gosh, they wouldn't quit staring. It was like they've never seen Chinese women before! I felt like we came from Mars or something...hahah.Jo drove on the way back...I was sleepy and so badly wanted to sleep, but I had to keep watch. Well, because she's quite capable of "making" the steering wheel sway to the left and right. Heehee...Anyway, Jae Son is in hospital admitted for dengue fever. He's supposed to go to Germany this Sunday, business trip...but looks like he can't make it. Poor guy. Sigh...please pray for him.
Condoms are made of rubber??
We were talking over lunch today when jiejie Eunice mentioned about a program she saw on the net about condoms...Jem's eyes grew wide."Condoms are made of rubber?""Yah...then?"She sat in silence...then, "Condoms are made of rubber?""Yah...otherwise what, plastic?""Yeah right...don't try to bluff me!""Huh? Do you even know what condoms are?""Yah I know!! They are used to prevent pregnancy""Oh good...I thought you didn't know.""So...condoms are made of rubber?""Yes lah!"Then jiejie proceeded to explain how condoms were used.Suddenly..."Wait...condoms are not those things you swallow??"Everyone burst out laughing.P/S: It's alright, Jem...when I was twelve, I didn't even know there were such things, let alone what it's made of or its usage =) Hehe...
Sangeetha, Chin Fang and Sheran just left for Singapore around 8.40am...we had breakfast at the railway station. Glorious breakfast =)
My injured finger.
Turning twenty
Yesterday I officially entered my twentieth year of living here on this earth...haha. And I really thank God that He has sustained me this far and for being faithful throughout those years.We had a BBQ last night...it was good. The weather was good, the food was good, the company was good, the fun was good =) Chin Fang, Sangeetha, and Sheran (my Singaporean course mates) came and gave me a surprise...how thrilling!!!First person to wish me: Joannna TangLast person to wish me: Terry YeowHere are some pictures taken...
Dad was saying something about me and I was turning red...
Jiejie Eunice and Jae Son...I think they look cute here. Hahah!
From left: Sangeetha, Sheran, me, Chin Fang.
Umm sorry, the picture's a little crooked...hehe. Jiejie, Jo and me.
A game of catch-the-pillow with Ryan...see the pillow in the air?
Body-piling!!!!!!! (I fell off the bed after that)Anyways, mostly everyone left around 11pm plus...except for a few people like the Nairs, Jae Son and my cousin. I think they left after midnight.Oh, I cut my finger while washing a metal tong last night...it was throbbing with pain all night. Sigh...went to see the doctor today and got a tetanus jab. And...he wrapped my finger with a huge white bandage (it was my middle finger which got cut, so you can imagine how awful it looks).Currently, I'm feeling so...pathetic. And handicapped. My left arm feels so lenguh because of the jab, and my right hand feels useless because of one finger. Sigh...
